Campus Athlete Reminds Everyone That They’re Better Than Quidditch Nerds

Muggle Quidditch

Picture by Ben Holland of benhollandphotography.ca

“My parents always taught me it was important to feel like I’m better than someone else,” Sophomore baseball player, Ryan Kerry, said, “And, I know I’m way better than those Harry Potter nerds.”

Social media controversy broke out after the campus student newspaper broke their 15 issue streak of covering only NCAA stories in the sports section. The paper published two stories on quidditch in consecutive editions of the newspaper.

Kerry came from a small town in Iowa, where sports were practiced, “as religion.” While thinking back to senior year at North Lutheran High School, he said, “Everyone had so much respect for the dedication it took to be an athlete, not like here, where they praise those nerds for goofing off,” referring to the coverage of the Quidditch team hosting and arranging a five-team tournament without university support.

Since moving to the suburbs of Indianapolis to attend the liberal arts university, Kerry’s found it challenging to get the attention of his female classmates, “When I tell them I’m on the baseball team, it’s almost like they don’t see me as godly.” He occupies his free time with hanging out at his teammates’ dorms and suppressing his nearly-crippling homesickness with endless games of FIFA and drinking every night.

The understaffed, underfunded collegiate publication was baffled by the strong response. Newspaper editor, Jacob Steel, doesn’t understand the source of the outrage, “Our one sports reporter spends three nights and two mornings a week attending NCAA practices and games. When the coaches began publishing their own game coverage, the paper took it as the chance to explore new topics.”

Steel said the last time the paper experienced backlash this strong was after publishing an editorial about social media addiction, “I guess there are two off-limits topics: smartphones and sportsball.”

Novel-length posts on the paper’s Facebook pages called for, “equal coverage of all sports news,” by the six person newspaper staff, and, “acknowledgement of the athlete’s accomplishments” in their Division III feats.

Wendy Cho, the captain of the university’s internationally-accomplished Chess team, and Grand Master, didn’t realize the university had sports teams, “I see the Quidditch team on the quad all the time. It looks like fun. Where does our football team play?”

 
After learning that the university does not have a football team, Cho thought for a moment before adding, “We won’t be a real sports school until we get a StarCraft team, anyways.”

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